Catharsis

Week four of Odyssey is over. I've been here four weeks. It feels surreal. There are times when I stop and wonder what the hell I'm doing here. How did this happen? How did I end up here? And why?

The last question is one I can answer, without having to dig deep. I am here because I have to write. There are worlds in my head that need to get out, and if I didn't commit them to paper/harddrive/whatever I think I would go insane. There are things that need to come out.

All the things that have happened to you, to me, good or bad, can be used to channel emotion into writing, and in doing so, I am convinced that we come closer and closer to coming to terms with whatever heavy shit we have sloshing around inside.

I am still far too close to the things that went on over the past year to write about them, but I'm still carrying other things around that need to be purged. If there's one thing therapy has taught me it's that we, and particularly I, bottle up things far longer than what is healthy.

So. I started on a piece today called November. I have no idea if I'll be able to finish it, or if I will have the courage to show it to the class if I do.

If I do finish it, I'll be dedicating it to Henrik (R.I.P. Vaffanculo!) and Misha (all my love, my bearded friend). If I don't, at least I'll have tried.

when i see me in your eyes

i just want to go blind

when i build coffin worlds with words

i just want a place to hide

when old ghosts meet new regrets

my daylight fades to grey

when our days bring guilt and shame

my heart turns black

these are my tombs

painted black and blue

these are my tombs

painted

just for you

goodnight

goodnight dear

goodbye

black rose

be my light

in the darkness of nights

be my heart

- Converge, Grim Heart/Black Rose